"It would be helpful to you," said the prison visitor, "if you could take a motto and try to live up to it."
"That's right," replied the convict. "I would like to select, for instance, 'We are here today, and gone tomorrow.' "
Jokes
"I am so glad your sister enjoyed her visit to us."
"Oh! well, she is the sort of girl who can enjoy herself anywhere you know."
"What made you propose to her on the steamer?"
"I wanted to prove I could love her even when she was sea-sick."
"Grandad, what makes a man always give a woman a diamond engagement ring?"
"The woman."
Why did they call the Middle Ages the Dark Ages?
Because there were so many knights.